Growing up, one of the things many of my teachers encouraged me to do was to “make mistakes” and learn from them.

To me, this made sense, as no one is born with the ability to immediately succeed in whatever field you embark on. Even those who are freakishly talented still make mistakes along their journey. The problem was, I was never taught any practical skills to properly and effectively learn from mistakes.

We live in an era where you can go online and find thousands of videos on people talking about why failure is required in order to have success.

One of the most popular types of videos trending on Youtube these days is a speaker talking to an audience about the importance of failure and not being afraid to fail. From celebrities like Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, “Let me tell you something: Don’t be afraid of failing, because there’s nothing wrong with failing. You have to fail in order to climb that ladder,” to modern pioneers such as Steve Jobs saying, “If you’re afraid of failing, you won’t get very far,” motivational videos on failure are as abundant as reality TV dating shows.

Despite the endless pool of videos telling us to embrace failure, I have yet to come across someone who genuinely shares the nitty-gritty details of their failure before they achieved success.

Perhaps the reason why is that detailing the harrowing and darker details of failure is “unsexy” and not going to bring in views. People turn to influencers on Instagram who seemingly have the perfect life so they can aspire to have that life as well. Even for those influencers who have had to struggle to get to where they are, they only seem to post the end result and only hint at the journey that they had to go through.

Many of us still struggle to come to grips with the idea of making mistakes and not being “perfect.”

So the question is, how do we actually become comfortable with failure and teach people how to learn from failure? In order to do so, I believe we must rewrite the narrative of failure and look deeper into the lessons we can draw from our failures. After all, success is just a means to an end and a byproduct of failing several times.

This is my story of failure and what I’ve learned from it.

Between 2020 and 2023, I experienced three of the biggest failures in my professional and personal life.

The first one was dropping out of university in early 2022. The second one was kicking out a roommate and losing a friend in the process. The third one was opening up my first music school with a franchise and shutting it down within 14 months.

Dropping out of my Jazz Performance course at the Conservatorium of Music Sydney after only 12 months

The story of dropping out of a university degree is not a unique one, as it’s more common these days than it was 20 years ago.

The reason why I consider this a failure is that I worked so hard to get into the course in the first place. When I finished high school in 2015, getting into the jazz course was something I desperately saw as the next step to achieving my professional music aspirations. I applied three times and had four auditions in 2015, 2018, 2019, and 2020 and was accepted after the third attempt.

After just one year in the course, I ultimately decided the course was not for me and made the decision to drop out after only 3 semesters.

Moving in with a friend and then moving out after just 6 months

In early 2022, I moved in with a long-time friend of mine, even though there was skepticism from mutual friends and family.

One of the main concerns was that my friend was unemployed at the time, and that meant I had to support him financially as well. I also felt that he hadn’t quite learned the basics of adult responsibility at the time. There were several times I had to ask him to contribute to simple house chores or clean up after himself.

While none of these issues are unique, I see this as a failure on my part because I ultimately lost a friend in the process.

Starting a music school franchise and shutting down after 14 months

This one is arguably the one that hurts the most, as it’s been a long-time dream of mine to run a music school.

After I dropped out of university in early 2022, I reconnected with an old colleague who pitched the idea of opening up a music school as part of his new franchise. At the time, I felt that both our visions for music education aligned, and given I had no experience running a studio, it made sense to work under the guidance of someone who had for 15 years. I took the bait, signed a five-year contract, and invested essentially all my savings into running the music school.

From establishment costs to running the school, I invested approximately $150k of my savings into the studio between September 2022 and December 2023.

Throughout the 14 months, there were both internal and external issues that popped up every day. Externally, I had arguments with the franchisor and his team almost every day about the systems, and we barely saw eye to eye. Internally, I was struggling to lead my team and manage the different personalities that each one of my team members had.

Ultimately, I decided that I couldn’t go on with the franchisor and terminated my contract only 14 months in.

The lessons I learned from these experiences

It’s not often that you experience three major failures in your life in the space of three years.

I’d be lying if I said I am happy that these experiences happened to me. The truth is, these three years were the toughest period of my life to the point I experienced suicidal ideation for the first time. My depression and anxiety had never been worse, and this heavily impacted my personal relationships as well.

However, now that I’ve had a chance to reflect, I am truly grateful for the experiences I had in this period.

Most people in their 20s never really get to experience things like this and thus struggle with what they truly want when they get to their 30s. I’m lucky, if you can call me lucky, to have experienced all this before I turned 25, and these three experiences have given me skills that may have taken a lifetime to learn in another world.

For example:

• I learned that while dreams are important to have, sometimes you have to accept that they don’t align with reality. Even though I always wanted to study at the Conservatorium of Music Sydney, I wasn’t in an environment that would help me thrive.

• I learned that sometimes it’s better to have a small group of people you trust and love rather than many friends you hardly see. I will cherish the friendship I had with my roommate, as we’ve known each other since we were 12. Even though we outgrew each other, my experience living with him taught me to find out who is truly important to me in my life.

• I learned that the keys to running a successful business go beyond just making money. It’s about communicating well with people, and that means really listening and showing empathy with your clients and colleagues. It’s about being patient and not rushing into things, as good things happen to those who wait. It’s about building a product and service that truly reflects your values and principles, not about trying to please your colleagues or other business owners.

As painful as these experiences were, it’s ultimately helped me find out what I truly want in life

I look back and realise that in 2020, I barely knew what I really wanted in life.

I was often chasing opportunities that were superficial or materialistic. I made decisions on the basis or pleasing others, rather than helping myself.

In 2024, despite the fact that I’m down to my last 9k in savings, and I’m mentally exhausted, I have more confidence in myself to do something useful in this world, than I did in 2020.

I know plenty of 35 year olds, 40 years and 50 year olds in my life who have told me that it is a good thing I’ve experienced all this before 25. I can’t imagine what would happen if I experienced this in my 30s when I’m married with kids and a mortgage, or in my 40s when my physical health starts to deteriorate naturally. As tough as these last three years have been, I have a chance to reinvent myself and use the lessons I’ve learnt to not only build something better with my business, but to become a better person.

The journey through failure has been arduous, yet it has bestowed upon me the resilience and insight needed to sculpt a future that truly gives me a purpose in my life.