On Getting Through Bad Days

That quote sums up both my relationship with the guitar — and my battle with depression.

Some mornings, I wake up and feel like I can face the world.
Others, I wake up and can barely breathe.

But no matter what kind of day it is, musicians are told the same thing:
Push through. Keep going. You’re a musician.

A few years ago, I spoke with a friend — a classical musician who studied at the Conservatorium of Music in Sydney before being accepted into Juilliard. (Yes, I was slightly jealous.)

She was one of those rare people destined for great things.
But even she hit a wall.

Behind the performances, the orchestras, and the perfectionism — she was battling depression and anxiety.

So in 2019, she took time off, came home to Sydney, put her violin down and worked hard on improving her mental health.
When she returned to Juilliard, she made one major change:
She built a life outside of music.

She still practiced relentlessly, but she also laughed with friends, explored new cities, and made time for moments that had nothing to do with her violin.
And in 2023, she graduated.

I couldn’t help but think that this was the pathway I was on — one I didn’t just veer away from, but completely fell off a cliff.

When I started university in 2020, I lived and breathed guitar.
Up at 5 a.m. to practice four hours.
Run for an hour.
Teach guitar for five.
Eat dinner in thirty minutes.
Practice again until midnight.

Then do it all again the next day.

It didn’t matter if I felt like a rockstar or a fraud — I pushed through.
Because that’s what I thought greatness required.

I was working myself into the ground faster than you could grind coffee — or dig a hole to China.

Depression has a way of making you believe that every bad day means you’re failing.
That if you can’t play well today, you’ll never be good again.

Everyday I’d ask myself this question:

Eventually, it led to something darker — a year where I thought about suicide every day, and two seizures in 2024 that forced me to stop.

I knew I had to do something before it was too late.

I took time away from music and took a leaf out of my friend’s book.

I found other ways to get through the day.

I ran more.
Played tennis again (channeling my inner Federer).
And most importantly, I spent time with my family, friends and girlfriend.

Ironically, the best thing I ever did for my music career
was to step away from it.

Now, I still love music. It’s my livelihood. But it’s no longer my obsession.

I’m on the mend and even if I never get my Juilliard moment, I know I’ll have my own kind of moment one day.

And I know you will too.

To finish off today’s newsletter, I want to shout out a few people who have been sending me emails over the last week.

These are messages that have warmed my heart to know that my newsletters and posts are giving hope, and some comfort to artists and musicians around the world who have struggled or are struggling.

My emails and DMs are always open, I’ll do my best to reply to each and every one of them so keep them coming!

1. “Thank you Brian you are a true inspiration to many trust me your content is and I repeat is helping many people even if they don’t comment so here is a big shout out”

2. “When I first began my journey into the world of audio, Brian and I met to talk about what I was facing from a mental health aspect of it. His insights into feeling like an impostor, how under reported these feelings are, and his sharing of his own struggles really made me feel good because it showed me I’m not alone. “

3. “Hey Brian...just a quick note to say thanks for showing up and being honest on LinkedIn. People need to hear your message. You are doing important work. Thanks for doing it.”

4. I absolutely love your message about helping artists with mental health, cuz as a fellow artist, I've been there. Losing all your drive to do what you love, finding it impossible to be happy,

5. Hey Brian, I just wanted to say thank you for the transparency. I’ve also felt many of the things you’ve posted about in your experiences with burnout and living as a professional musician. Hearing some of your story does certainly help the feeling of not being alone in the struggle. I hope to get to meet you in the future!”

I wanted to share them so that you all know you’re not alone, and knowing that my newsletter and writing is helping people means the world to me.

So what I want to do is open up a hot-line whatsapp. This is where you can send in audio messages.

You can be as honest as you want, share your story, how you came across my newsletter and how it has helped you.

If you want to remain anonymous, you can just send me a text.

I’ll feature your messages next week.

All you have to do is send your text or audio message to my number (+61) 499079954 (Australia) on whatsapp.

I will be creating a broadcast group chat on whatsapp, so when you send me your messages I will add you to it.

For now, thank you so much for your love and support everyone.

To good days and bad days, and finding ways to enjoy both.

-Brian.

Thank you for taking 10 minutes to read today’s newsletter. It means a lot.

If you’re a long time reader and my newsletter has helped you in your mental health/music journey, please consider upgrading your subscription which costs less than two coffees.

If you decide to upgrade, I’ll reach out to you personally and add you to the Mental Musician private whatsapp group. This is where you will get to meet other artists from around the world who share similar experiences with you, and open up about your mental health struggles in a supportive and safe environment.

You’ll also get access to my private audio archive of every newsletter — recorded by me, not an AI — plus video conversations with musicians opening up about the reality of living with depression whilst sustaining a music career.

Here’s a sneak peak at what you get, with one of my solo podcast recordings from earlier this year:

But even if you’re a free subscriber, you’re already supporting me, and I’m grateful for that.

So I’d love for you to forward it to a friend or fellow musician who might find comfort in it. The bigger our community, the more we can help artists around the world share their mental health stories and feel less alone.

📹 You can also check out my latest YouTube video where I talk about how I’ve learnt to accept my depression: