How To Find Balance In A World Of Pressure

The Pressure of Passion: Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Pressure can drive us in ways that nothing else can.

In sports: put enough pressure on your opponent, and you can shift the game in your favor. In the kitchen: a pressure cooker can transform humble ingredients into something rich, smooth, and flavorful. But too much pressure—either on the field or in the kitchen—can make everything fall apart.

I’ve spent years riding that line between productive pressure and crippling stress, both in my life and in my music. At times, I thought I was pushing myself and my students toward success. What I didn’t realize was that I was burning us all out.

My First Lesson in Pressure (and How It Almost Drowned Me)

I started teaching guitar in 2013, at 15, just hoping to earn some cash after being rejected from three retail jobs. My first students were kids, each barely ten, all just touching their toes to the water of learning guitar. I had no real plan; I just thought I’d push them the way I’d been pushed.

I remember handing them each a chart of 20 essential chords and saying they’d need to learn a new song every two weeks. At fifteen, I genuinely thought I was giving them a good foundation.

Now I see I wasn’t just pushing them—I was drowning them, and in a way, drowning myself. That was my first taste of how quickly too much pressure can turn excitement into dread.

How I Pushed My Students—and Myself—Too Far

I grew up believing that every “serious” musician practiced several hours a day, tackled a new song every week, and relentlessly pushed through to the next level. In my early days of teaching, I continued that mindset, convinced it was the “right” way to learn. Every week, my students would get a new, harder song to master. Each week, I’d test them on it. And in my own time, I was pushing myself to master the most challenging guitar pieces I could find, convinced that this drive would take me places.

For four years, I lived this way. Until I couldn’t anymore.

• Every lesson, I saw my students’ smiles dim as my demands grew.

• Every week, I pushed myself further, even as my energy and spirit wore down.

• Every day, the joy I’d once felt slipped further away, replaced by a dull, endless weight.

Burnout, Panic, and the Breaking Point That Changed Everything

Between 2019 and 2021, three defining moments shifted my entire perspective—not just on teaching, but on music and my own self-worth.

In September 2019, I reached a breaking point. After months of teaching 35 students a week, driving across the city, and creating detailed lessons, I hit a wall. My body, my mind—they both burned out. I’d lost sight of what I loved about music and teaching in the first place. My life felt like an endless task list, and the spark I once felt was gone. I shut down, took a step back, and for the first time, I had to ask: What am I doing this for?

Then, in April 2020, I found out that a student of mine was dealing with depression. There were other factors, sure, but my relentless pace and pressure hadn’t helped. I’d assumed I was pushing him toward growth, but I was pushing him toward a breaking point. Soon, I learned that others were also struggling, quietly battling their own dark clouds. That week, I knew I had to rethink everything about my approach to teaching.

In June 2021, I had a panic attack while playing scales for my teacher. I’d done these scales a thousand times, but suddenly, in that moment, I froze. My mind went blank, my heart raced, and all I felt was failure. This was rock bottom. I didn’t know it yet, but it would become one of the best things that ever happened to me.

How I Learned to Let Go and Rediscover My Love for Music

In hindsight, that two-year period was the most prolific of my career. My schedule was packed, my life was intensely focused, and my passion for music was there. But all that “drive” was only building pressure. It couldn’t last. The panic attack was my body and mind saying, Enough.

From late 2021 onward, I began to rebuild. I started to let go of that endless internal pressure. I reached out to musicians I respected, people like Trevor Gordon Hall and Adam Rafferty, and talked with them about why they started playing in the first place. Slowly, I felt that same spark rekindle within me. I remembered the night I first saw Tommy Emmanuel play, the fire that lit in me to pursue fingerstyle guitar. I remembered hearing Miles Davis’s Kind of Blue for the first time, feeling that curiosity pull me into jazz. This was why I’d started playing music at all, why I loved it. I needed to find that joy again, for myself and my students.

It hasn’t been a straight road. There are days when the old habits come creeping back, when the weight of expectation threatens to bury me again. But now, I know how to step back and let myself breathe, to remember why I’m here.

• Was I really searching for perfection? Or just… peace?

• Was this passion? Or something else entirely?

• I had to remind myself of the reason I’d picked up a guitar in the first place.

Finding Balance in Expectations and Self-Compassion

So many of us, in music or any creative pursuit, set such high bars that we lose sight of ourselves. When those dreams don’t look like we pictured, it’s easy to feel like we’ve failed. But it’s not that simple. Setting healthy expectations can inspire greatness, but unrealistic ones? They just drain us.

When the pressure cooker was about to burst, I’d lost myself in all the “shoulds” and “musts.” Once I finally took my hand off the valve, I rediscovered my love for music. I remembered why I’d picked up a guitar in the first place. I found peace in being enough.

Balance is key. When you feel that wave of self-doubt, remind yourself who you are, as a musician and a person. Remember, pressure can transform, but too much will only burn you out.

I’ll keep walking this line. And I hope you’ll find a way to walk yours.

P.S. I’d love to know if this newsletter resonated with you. Did you find it helpful? If there’s anything you’d like to see more of in future issues, let me know.

In the meantime, check out these other amazing newsletters that helped me through some tough times in 2024.